The Mango in my Tango.

             For you
                                                  By Roxanne Dixon.

You are my knight in shining armour,

You make my stormy nights calmer.

You are the ying to my yang,

An hour without you seems so long.

You are the mango in my tango,

perfect match, together we make mango tango.

You are my everything, if only you could see,

There is no you without me.

The above is an excerpt from a poem i wrote when i was 15 years old, if any of my long standing friends manages to read this, I am sure they will be placed in a reminiscent stage.

I mentioned I attended an all girl  high school previously, but, there was an extra Chemistry class we shared with a neighbouring all boy school. It is therefore no surprise that there was an over abundance of chemistry in these classes as sparks flew and fires lit and were outed. Raving teenage harmones were scattered about, boys liked girls, girls liked boys, well what do you expect all Two opposite, single sexed classes joining. hello!

This is what i like to refer to as the "nerd gone hot" saga. Amongst all the "boyfriend-girlfriend "drama was a particular young man, quiet, braces, glasses, you can imagine high school was not very kind to him. My friends and I admired this guy, because he was different from the others, whilst his associates competed for who got the most girls, he sat and learnt, this was rather cute and untamed.

One particular chemistry class, "the voices in my head,"(well this is how my friends stated it,)just decided why not write a poem to this fellow, and with the support of my troublemaking friends, my talented, poetic mind was employed. When I got done with that lovely poem, my friends read it, and all they ever remembered, up until now was "you are the mango in my tango." (We laugh about this all the time we get together.)

We all had a hearty laugh about it, then the letter was signed (anonymous of course,) sealed and delivered. Our chemistry teacher was not too happy about the uproar that was caused, as the boys seeked to find out who wrote this letter? Who is interested in this youngster? As oblivious to the occurrence as I was, and with all the guesses, no one even dreamt that letter came from me.

A few consecutive weeks ensuing this event there were a few more letters to this guy and of course his ratings among the boys went sky-high, on the finale letter, we asked him to return the letter to the girl he thought may have written the letter, like I said I was so innocent, he never thought it was me. However he did think it was one of my really close friends. (She is probably smiling right now too.)

This was the senior year of high school and then came college, my friends and I went separate directions, but we kept updated, the major update for me though which I cherish and take with me in all my life was the fact that this close friend of mine started dating this guy I wrote the poem to.Why is this so important?

This teaches not to pre-judge ayone, not to fail people before allowing them to try.

My friend started liking this young man after making conversations with him and getting to know him. If she had not taken the time to, she would have stuck with the preconcieved notion that he was a dull nerdy person. I can tell you though, we were all pleasantly surprised. How many times have you ran into someone you knew in high school who all the girls wanted to be like and all the boys wanted and vice versa? quite a few times for me.

Most times the really hot ones are quite the opposite and the ones no one dreamt of, turned out to be the stunning, gorgeous person you would love to go the movies with or just to talk to on the phone.I have experienced this so many times, it makes me even more grateful that I had the opportunity to have been a part of this wonderful experience.

I ran into this young man two months ago, and I almost did not recognise him, kudos to him, he his no braces, no glasses, super sexy, young man now. My friend tells me they stopped dating........i wonder if he would date me now, (do not take that seriously, ha ha.There is the girl code too you know.)

This one story kept with me and will forever keep me going as it opened me up, it made me accept everyone, I give everyone a chance to prove themself, regardless of what I have heard, or what I see at a glance. My friends worry about this a lot, they think this might be to my demise, but based on my experiences thus far, this has been the basis of who I am, I give chances, I take chances, and if the recipient spoils it, I move on with a clear concience knowing i had placed my best on the line.

My father has always told me you can be fooled for a while, but nothing last forever. Hope this story has inspired someone as it did me. There are a few persons reading this now who I am positive will say "thank god she had this experience."

Follow me as i take you even deeper into the experiences that have made me.

I am not shy!

Shy 

adj. shi·er (shr) or shy·er, shi·est (shst) or shy·est

1. Easily startled; timid.

2.

a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others.

b. Marked by reserve or diffidence

Why do so many people at first glance consider me shy? Is it because I am not loud or aggressive? Is it because I speak softly? I would have believed the same thing if I did not know me, however, for the record, " I am an extroverted optimist who observes first and makes friends later." Since this blog is about why I am Me, lets give you the story on how i became an extrovert.

Let us retract to the year 2001, possible the last year of  innocence in my life and in the life of anyone who was a 12 year old,a group of friends and I were choreographing a dance to Destiny's Child Survivor (all pre- teens went crazy for this song, well the girls did,) the topic of Grade Six achievement Test arose, we were all excited that for the upcoming school year we would all be high school students as well as teenagers.

They had all decided they wanted to go high school together, they were unreceptive to change and did not cling to the idea of meeting new friends. I was quiet as I usually was and so my best friend looked at me and commented that i would have it really difficult making new friends as I was " too shy," and of course being that this was the perception of all, a whole barrage of comments for her statement came at me.

" I am not shy!" Everyone went quiet for what seemed like an eternity, as i proceeded to gloat that i in fact wanted to attend an high school where none of my previous schoolmates would be.I then stormed of much to the surprise of all present. By the end of the month and the end of my life at Primary School, I was the epitome of everyone's example of a silent river that runs deep.

It was now September of 2001, my first day in high school, a new environment, new teachers, new students, it was all a fresh beginning, this was when i realized how powerful words could be, this was when i started choosing and using my words wisely. Remember that little saying, "be careful what you wish for?" This is no joke, My first day in a high school of all girls, no friends to chit chat with, to share the excitement with.

I had wanted to be the only one from my previous school and i was, everyone else had friends from their old school that they recounted the summer with, I had no one.Our very first teacher came in to the class and asked each of us to stand and talk about ourselves. Each girl seemed enthusiastic and confident, they were rather relaxed and spoke with much excitement,then it was my turn...................

I will leave you to wonder about what went morbidly wrong with what I occasionally recall as my most epic failure in life. With that done I took a deep breath and sank in my seat, hoping that no one would attempt to show me pity, that was short lived, as soon as I sat down the girl seated in front of me turned, and she said hello, I was barely audible as i answered. She further went on to tell me her name but by then i was spaced out,no answer came, just as i was ready to apologize for not answering, I heard her telling her neighbor how shy I was. " I am not shy!"

This was an outburst that got me noticed in a negative light as well as it earned me a nickname that followed me all throughout high school and into my adult years. By the end of  month two in high school, i became really good friends with her, and i made a few friends, but this was of course after I realized i was shy, and thanks much to my mother, If she had not sent me to a crowded meat shop that one day to order meat, i would have been shy up until now.

I recall being in that shop for two hours, and everyone who came before and after me within that two hour period, got service before me. Why? Only because i was too quiet, too introverted, so I was not being heard by the service agents. Well, not until I had enough of waiting and I spoke loud enough for the entire meat shop to hear me. This was the start of the extrovert person that I am today. Thank you Mommy.

I have changed so much so that this friend of mine who is twenty years my senior confessed to me how she admired me. I was beginning to get a bit uncomfortable, but then she made it very clear that my mind was in the gutter (of course, it usually is,) and that she really meant my personality, she is an introvert, quite the opposite of me, i must say. She confided that she trembles to be in the spotlight in public, and how she wonders how i can be so outgoing all the time, even with strangers.

I of course recalled the story of 2001, and she could not believe, but she says then she guesses there is hope for her, and she is now working on becoming a more outgoing person who does not allow her fair of the masses to spoil her dreams. Good luck to you on this journey my dear friend.

While I have stepped away from being shy, observation before friendship making is still my biggest motto, you will see in later blogs how much friends and relationships shaped another part of me.

My advice to everyone, just be yourself, but compromise enough to allow others to get to know you, at least give us a chance.

Today as i meditate and reminisce, i can proudly and genuinely say: " I am not shy."

Introduction

How many times have you sat down and wondered about life? Have you thought that we are all being patronized by a greater force? The things that we were born, bred and lead to be, are they the things we would have chosen for ourselves?

If you ask me why i decided to blog, my answer would be: "I have no idea," but the real reason is necessity,  I guess necessity really is the mother of all inventions.I feel the need to share of myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my upbringing and ultimately myself as me today.

It is a fact that you may or may not like much of what i have to say, but if I spend my life thinking too much of opinions, i would never say or do anything at all. I have learnt that not everyone can be pleased all at once, the important thing is that whatever is said or done is genuinely not intended to offend anyone.

This is the beginning of my gift to the world, the stories of an unknown, possibly insignificant (to some) person.
I urge you though, to read and digest as life changing experiences are usually from the insignificant, and the unexpected. After all I can attest to this.

Go ahead read and enjoy, and thank you for sharing my experiences with me.