I am not shy!

Shy 

adj. shi·er (shr) or shy·er, shi·est (shst) or shy·est

1. Easily startled; timid.

2.

a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others.

b. Marked by reserve or diffidence

Why do so many people at first glance consider me shy? Is it because I am not loud or aggressive? Is it because I speak softly? I would have believed the same thing if I did not know me, however, for the record, " I am an extroverted optimist who observes first and makes friends later." Since this blog is about why I am Me, lets give you the story on how i became an extrovert.

Let us retract to the year 2001, possible the last year of  innocence in my life and in the life of anyone who was a 12 year old,a group of friends and I were choreographing a dance to Destiny's Child Survivor (all pre- teens went crazy for this song, well the girls did,) the topic of Grade Six achievement Test arose, we were all excited that for the upcoming school year we would all be high school students as well as teenagers.

They had all decided they wanted to go high school together, they were unreceptive to change and did not cling to the idea of meeting new friends. I was quiet as I usually was and so my best friend looked at me and commented that i would have it really difficult making new friends as I was " too shy," and of course being that this was the perception of all, a whole barrage of comments for her statement came at me.

" I am not shy!" Everyone went quiet for what seemed like an eternity, as i proceeded to gloat that i in fact wanted to attend an high school where none of my previous schoolmates would be.I then stormed of much to the surprise of all present. By the end of the month and the end of my life at Primary School, I was the epitome of everyone's example of a silent river that runs deep.

It was now September of 2001, my first day in high school, a new environment, new teachers, new students, it was all a fresh beginning, this was when i realized how powerful words could be, this was when i started choosing and using my words wisely. Remember that little saying, "be careful what you wish for?" This is no joke, My first day in a high school of all girls, no friends to chit chat with, to share the excitement with.

I had wanted to be the only one from my previous school and i was, everyone else had friends from their old school that they recounted the summer with, I had no one.Our very first teacher came in to the class and asked each of us to stand and talk about ourselves. Each girl seemed enthusiastic and confident, they were rather relaxed and spoke with much excitement,then it was my turn...................

I will leave you to wonder about what went morbidly wrong with what I occasionally recall as my most epic failure in life. With that done I took a deep breath and sank in my seat, hoping that no one would attempt to show me pity, that was short lived, as soon as I sat down the girl seated in front of me turned, and she said hello, I was barely audible as i answered. She further went on to tell me her name but by then i was spaced out,no answer came, just as i was ready to apologize for not answering, I heard her telling her neighbor how shy I was. " I am not shy!"

This was an outburst that got me noticed in a negative light as well as it earned me a nickname that followed me all throughout high school and into my adult years. By the end of  month two in high school, i became really good friends with her, and i made a few friends, but this was of course after I realized i was shy, and thanks much to my mother, If she had not sent me to a crowded meat shop that one day to order meat, i would have been shy up until now.

I recall being in that shop for two hours, and everyone who came before and after me within that two hour period, got service before me. Why? Only because i was too quiet, too introverted, so I was not being heard by the service agents. Well, not until I had enough of waiting and I spoke loud enough for the entire meat shop to hear me. This was the start of the extrovert person that I am today. Thank you Mommy.

I have changed so much so that this friend of mine who is twenty years my senior confessed to me how she admired me. I was beginning to get a bit uncomfortable, but then she made it very clear that my mind was in the gutter (of course, it usually is,) and that she really meant my personality, she is an introvert, quite the opposite of me, i must say. She confided that she trembles to be in the spotlight in public, and how she wonders how i can be so outgoing all the time, even with strangers.

I of course recalled the story of 2001, and she could not believe, but she says then she guesses there is hope for her, and she is now working on becoming a more outgoing person who does not allow her fair of the masses to spoil her dreams. Good luck to you on this journey my dear friend.

While I have stepped away from being shy, observation before friendship making is still my biggest motto, you will see in later blogs how much friends and relationships shaped another part of me.

My advice to everyone, just be yourself, but compromise enough to allow others to get to know you, at least give us a chance.

Today as i meditate and reminisce, i can proudly and genuinely say: " I am not shy."

Introduction

How many times have you sat down and wondered about life? Have you thought that we are all being patronized by a greater force? The things that we were born, bred and lead to be, are they the things we would have chosen for ourselves?

If you ask me why i decided to blog, my answer would be: "I have no idea," but the real reason is necessity,  I guess necessity really is the mother of all inventions.I feel the need to share of myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my upbringing and ultimately myself as me today.

It is a fact that you may or may not like much of what i have to say, but if I spend my life thinking too much of opinions, i would never say or do anything at all. I have learnt that not everyone can be pleased all at once, the important thing is that whatever is said or done is genuinely not intended to offend anyone.

This is the beginning of my gift to the world, the stories of an unknown, possibly insignificant (to some) person.
I urge you though, to read and digest as life changing experiences are usually from the insignificant, and the unexpected. After all I can attest to this.

Go ahead read and enjoy, and thank you for sharing my experiences with me.